Approaches to look at life are different for different people and it is circumstances that turn them into a positive or a negative person. I was not a very optimistic person, rather I used loose hope at the smallest of glitches that life brought at me.
There is too much work in office, why does my boss sit on my head all the time?
I did not get a promotion I deserve, this HR should kill himself if he doesn't respect the ambitions of sincere employees?
Uff.. this traffic is so bad, why do all the people have to take this road?
I need a bigger house, I need a bigger car, I need a fat paycheck, I am not willing to work weekends, I want to holiday abroad and blah blah ...
The list of unending desires and lack of job satisfaction had made me an almost whining personality. And then, the big news came that I had conceived.
I was happy, very happy but the nagging devil in me lifted his head yet again.
I was fat, my thighs became like big tree trunks, I was vomiting day and night, food and travel was no more a joy and I felt that I wanted to slow down. My mind had lingering questions all the time - how will I manage the baby, will my career take a backseat, how will we work out of finances if I took a break and the list was endless.
I reached my 7th month and the doctor told us that my baby had a single umbilical artery and was not growing very well. I was asked to stay at home and take rest. It seemed that my mind will never come at peace, stress was a way of life. The more I tried to be positive and stress-free, the more stressful thoughts corrupted my mind.
"Umeed par to duniya kayam hai," my husband would say to cheer me up. "All is well" was like his mantra but I could never be like him. The more I tried the more I failed.
And then one day, my baby arrived into this world. She was a healthy baby girl and we were discharged from hospital after couple of days. Soon the feeling of being a mother started to sink in.
When I brought her home for the first time, she wrapped her tiny hand around my finger and smiled in her sleep. I couldn't express my joy, I was in tears. That one moment changed my outlook of life.
They say that Hope is a good thing, and indeed it is.
There is no fat paycheck, no appraisal ratings, no appreciations and you got to work on weekends too. But when you finally see your baby clinging on you when he has a bad dream, being sad when you are away, hugging you and expressing his selfless love, you cannot ask for more.
Being at home with your baby is a thankless and endless job, but then, it is full of hope and happiness. Our sweet little home is now more beautiful where my baby crawls, eats, makes a mess and experiences his world.